Why have my life become like this. Why i have to suffer one heartbreak after another. Will it be like this forever. I really love her, i really do. Why does she have to treat me like this. Everyday i pray, pray for me to be with her again. I look forward to talking to u, to meeting u. But sometimes u keep ignoring me. Its so hard nowadays to meet u. U just keep giving me this excuses that u cant meet me now and keep delaying it. Sometimes i really wonder whether u have another guy and everytime u keep talking abt some guy, i really do get jealous. My heart sinks. That is how much my love for u. I miss the old times, i cant seem to forget abt it. It is the nicest memory that i ever had and i doubt i cant just forget abt it easily. I really do want it to happen again.

I feel so screwed today....Guess wat, im late for the NUS overseas College interview and i end up not going. Like my mom always say, i will nvr change. Guess that the reason for me failing in almost everything. My attitude need to change. Maybe thats one of the reason for my breakup. Haizz...was feeling fuck up today. I miss a golden opportunity. I need to change. If this continue i don have any future. Nvr even fast today. Go to sch but nvr attend anyting and str away buy a pack of cigerattes and smoke my way, thats how i break my fast. Was so stress up today. Even quarrel wf my mom. I just cant believe i wasted a gd opportunity. Got home and i just pretended that i fast..wtf..

The first is always the most hurtful....The memory will stick with u......Time doesnt make me feel better....Its been 2 plus year, but y cant i get over it....It thought i did but in reality im just deceiving myself. Im just stuck in time.... Y do i even care. If only the memory can be erase easily. Y cant i just accept the fact that it is impossible. The first is always the hardest and maybe the memory will not go off that soon. Just let the passing of time heal the wound, be it if it is taking forever. There is an old saying, the wound will heal but the scars will be there but it is up to us not to let the scars affect us too much. At least i know that now im in a much better state than 2 years ago when it is just fresh. Just that sometimes i reminisced about the past. Im letting my scars get the better of me......


Signing out
Salihin

A person once told me, 1 stick will take away 7 minutes of ur life....and it really got me into deep thought.....is it worthwhile to gamble that 7min away everytime i smoke one stick. Obviously this is accumulative, which means i can waste 1 or 2 yrs of my life...Sooo i think.... Will that 1 or 2 yrs really make any different...I mean how many ppl actually live their life. spend the whole of their life meaningfully. Most of us just waste it. going thru the same routine every single day. Life become dull and mundane. And sad to say this...Most of us is not happy or satisfied with our life. So that bring abt to 1 or 2 yr of my life i just wasted by smoking...Is it really a wasted or i just wasted a wasted part of my life. Im a social smoker. Wat does it mean, i smoke to socialise and make friend wf others. To say the truth, this is one of the most effective way of making a friend or even for catching up. I dont know y but it is true. Other than that i only smoke went im waiting for somebody or something...basicly to kill time...Rather than do nothing and at the same time building up ur stress level, u rather do sometime and wat u get in return, abit of pleasure and satisfaction and it also ease ur stress. So just to wrap up everything im not a heavy smoker. i do weight the pros and cons. And i don smoke at home or infront of friend who don smoke. Y....Bcos i respect them and my family (btw my parents know i smoke but encourage me not to)....I actually plan to quit it by 2011 May. I know by continuing it will just ruin me and i don want my children to think that his/her father is a smoker...anw both my parent dont. Y should i start the trend...I rather lose 1 or 2 yrs of my redundent part of my life than 5 to 1o yrs of my life which i can truely spend wf my family. I know the dangers and i know the consequence but i know that i have a goal...2011 May...And i will stick to it. In the meantime im just enjoying life which will be left wasted btw if i don do so.. So CHILL.... LIVING LIFE TO THE FULLEST.....

Wohoo....Got silver for ippt....haha very happy mainly due to the monetary reward la...aha....But it doesnt come easy....Been training hard for it aha..Oh ya Silver for Muay thai and IPPT. Double happiness. School going to start soon and im already feeling the burden. there muay thai camp and my NUSHA stuff (OCIP) to do. Making things worst, im taking 6 mod....Haizzzz. What a heavy burden im carrying. Cant wait for the December trip to India though. Excited abt it. That is the one event that i truely looking forward to...My new purpose aha.....Its one time that im truely happy... aha....

4 more months for the trip.....

Hmmm how am i going to start. Meet my close cuz today and he told me this from his first impression. I look lost. That word really struck me. Am i really lost. Or am i. I have this feeling that i cant be bother wf life anymore. Watever shit life is giving me, i just cant be bothered. Just waiting for school to start thats all. My love life goes down the drain. Alot of unhappy memories and just which i can forget abt them. Should i just forget abt them. Like the saying goes don find the ONE but instead be the ONE. So thats one thing out of my mind. Actually that is a large think out of my mind. All this while i been wooing gurls, dating them and most of the time it lead to failure. All this while that is the only think that keep me going on, make me enthusiastic about the day. Just for clarification, that is wat guys do most of the time so it is not just me. Since im giving that up, im lost. I must find a new purpose. A new purpose to wake me up in the morning, a new purpose to drive me or motivate me. Basicly a new purpose to live.